Student Stories: How to Be a Teenager

I had one goal for the new year: Good grades. My thoughts were boggled into a box since I was young. When people asked: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I went directly to the usual. “Astronaut,” “Doctor,” what people wanted to hear. But I never thought of what it could really be. I never considered the future real, just another box in my endless boxes of to-do’s waiting to be checked. As I grew older, the answers began to change. “Business woman.” “Nurse.” My dreams and the expectations of others began to mesh into one meaning on its own. I kept this attitude with me to my first year of high school.

Ninth grade wasn’t just ninth grade to me, it was the year where my life began. Where my already strict parents would be diving down my throat to make sure that that was it, my focus would be my report card. And who was I to tell them no? They worked so hard to get themselves out of a third world country just for me to slack off and be a teenager? Of course not, I didn’t have the time. They didn’t deserve it, it wouldn’t be fair. The year began suspensefully to me, I felt bridged between talking and not talking. Raising my hand or keeping myself out of the attention of others. I tried telling myself I was mature, that I understood in high school nobody cares about your life. I’d say that, but if it was true, why did it feel like everyone’s attention was on me at all times?

I joined extracurricular activities. I joined DECA, chess club, library assistance. I joined all of these things to distract myself from the embarrassment I felt when groups of people would pass by me sitting alone at lunch eating my turkey sandwich on the cold stairway. My whole world was numbers and straight lines, graphs and right angles. It was strange, I mean my older siblings had perfect grades, but how did they grapple with a social life too? They did have their unsaid areas but it was like they were perfect. They knew their college major from the start of high school, they have hobbies, they’re popular. They’re basically good at everything, and what was I? The All-A’s-and-a-B girl? The 3.7 GPA in the 4.0 family? Of course not, never. I’d rather feel embarrassed about having no friends than feel embarrassed about having no reputation.

The year ended. I had the grades, and my parents’ satisfied reactions were nice, but why did I feel this way? Why did it feel like I wasted a year when she used it perfectly in my vision? No distractions, no friends, extracurriculars, programs, good grades. But was it my vision? Just from this feeling, I felt like the world was going to collapse. I did waste the year. How? I didn’t quite know for sure but the feeling was there and I wouldn’t push it away anymore. In the summer, I passed by my report card attached to the fridge every day. My whole life, the year was a repeat. No friends, good grades, next. I wanted to stop feeling like I was reliving the same day over and over, like life itself was a test I needed to get a grade on. When people said that they felt alive, what did it mean? When life was an experience instead of a moment, would the world be more colorful than it was now? Well I planned to find out. When summer ended, I’d have two goals. Good grades, and to successfully be a teenager.

About the Author

Amira Saadi (she/her) is a sophomore in high school in the Edmonds School District, and participates in DECA and the Technology Student Association. Born and raised in Washington state, she is a passionate and energetic artist who appreciates observing and creating. She is also interested in debate and philosophy, and enjoys sketching and writing short novels in her free time.

Editor’s Note: OSPI aims to elevate the authentic experiences of the students in Washington’s K–12 public schools. This story was written by a Washington state high school student participating in OSPI’s Student Stories Program. The author’s opinions, beliefs, and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect those of OSPI, and publication of this story does not constitute OSPI’s approval or endorsement of its contents. With questions, please contact OSPI’s Communications team at commteam@k12.wa.us.